Monday, May 2, 2011

Canine book consultants on the blog today!

Our guests Alice and Shannon served as canine consultants for the book Toto’s Tale, written by their humans, K.D. Hays and Meg Weidman. Today they’re going to share thoughts about their experience.

Alice: Thanks for having us here today. Most of the time, humans don’t take the time to get our perspective on—

Shannon: Do you have any food?

Alice: If I did I wouldn’t give it to you. So anyway, I appreciated it when our humans—

Shannon: Do you have any food?

Alice: I already said I didn’t.

Shannon: No, you just said you wouldn’t give me any.

Alice: Right, so it doesn’t matter. So, when our humans started paying attention to—

Shannon: I smell pork chops. Do you have any?

Alice: You already asked me twice.

Shannon: I asked if you had food. Not pork chops.

Alice: Pork chops are food.

Shannon: I like to wear them as jewelry.

Alice: No, you eat them.Shannon: Mouth jewelry.

Alice: We are here to tell people what it was like to work as consultants on a book. So pay attention to the people who will be reading this.

Shannon: Okay.

Alice: As I was saying—

Shannon: Do you have any food?

Alice: I already told you

Shannon: I was talking to the people

Alice: Grrr

Shannon: What? You said to talk to them.

Alice: You’re supposed to tell people what it was like to help our humans write a book from a dog’s point of view, not extort food from them.

Shannon: Hey, I hadn’t thought of that. Extortion. Sounds threatening.

Alice: Yeah? Well it won’t work from you.

Shannon: Why not?

Alice: You’re the cute dog. I’m the threatening dog. People are scared of me.

Shannon: That’s just because of your mismatched teeth.

Alice: Don’t make fun of my teeth. I’m very sensitive about my underbite. My first owners didn’t have money for orthodontia.

Shannon: You said I’m the cute one.

Alice: Yes.

Shannon: I’m cute.

Alice:Yes. Cute and annoying.

Shannon: I’m cute because I have good teeth.

Alice: Sigh. Maybe we should get back to pork chops.

Shannon: Where? Where are the pork chops?

Alice: In this interview. And the book. (Holds up Toto’s Tale) Toto has a fixation with pork chops. That was my idea.

Shannon: (Grabs the book and rifles through the pages) No fair! I’ve sniffed through every page of the book and haven’t found a single chop.

Alice: Hmm. I wonder what inspired me?

Shannon: Did Toto find any pork chops in the book?

Alice: You don’t know? Didn’t you read the book?

Shannon: I’m waiting for the movie.

Alice: Well I’m not going to tell. I would hate to spoil the suspense for readers.

Shannon: I’ll bet he did find the pork chops. He found them and ate all of them and that’s why I couldn’t find any in the book.

Alice: You really don’t understand the concept of a book, do you?

Shannon: No, I don’t. I don’t understand why our owners like them so much. They taste terrible. Just like paper. The rabbit likes them, though.

Alice: Maybe they should have interviewed her for this article. They’re not learning much from us. Well thanks for talking to the canine consultants for Toto’s Tale. I’m going to go find Shannon a snack before she eats me.

Shannon: Or Toto.

Alice: It’s a good thing the book wasn’t “Shannon’s Tale.” It would be very short.

Shannon: Are you making fun of my tail?

Alice: T-A-L-E, not tail. And it would be short because you would eat all the words off the page before the authors could save them.

Shannon: What do words taste like?

Alice: Quick, readers—get out now while you still ca—

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